I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
