dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
