So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
