how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
