I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
