i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
