I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
