It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
