I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
