Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
