I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize