where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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