You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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