it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Two words: nipple clamps
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