im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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