Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
