So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize