The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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