i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
