I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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