Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize