First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
