Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
