HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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