Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
