Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We need to get me chipped asap
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize