Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can

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(206): View more from Washington

I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv

(1-405): View more from Oklahoma

we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often

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(505): View more from New Mexico

As shirtless as possible

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(571): View more from Virginia

It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack

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(214): View more from Texas

Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...

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(406): View more from Montana

Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband

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(708): View more from Illinois

He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.

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