I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
