Got a toothbrush?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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