my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
