My room smells like vodka and shame
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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