If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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