so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I need to sanitize my soul.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
