'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
