I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
