roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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