I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The air was thick with penises
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
