Whod you bang
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
