I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
They have beer where we have blood.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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