You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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