oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The struggles of a small town man whore
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
