last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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