I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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