We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
