I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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