It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
