my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
