Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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