i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
