I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
