I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
