I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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