"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
