dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
