The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
