i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
