Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
