I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
