You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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