I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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