Moan for me like Helen Keller
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
