I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
