That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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