gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
