Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
