Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
