I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
