I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
