She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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