I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
