Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize