I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Im part way to drunk.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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