Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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