shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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