Will you blow on my dice?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Randomize
