I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize