its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
