No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
