they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
