you would pick up someone in the library
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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