Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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