I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
