There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
