That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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