apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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