theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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