i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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