so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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