i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
