I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
