I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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