It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
