I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And then my night got REAL pukey
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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