My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
