Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
