hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
