If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
smell my finger.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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