I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
