What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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